Judgement Day
by Chasyn
Summary: Riku grabbed Sora's shoulders. "It doesn't hurt. How many times to I have to fucking say it? IT. DOESN'T. HURT. I can't feel anything! Nothing. I'm dead inside!" His grip tightened, his eyes glazing over for a moment. It was only a few seconds before he shook his head and released his hold.


Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape or form own anything. Nada.  
Warnings: Foul language, angst, and character death.

-X-X-X-

Judgment Day

The shot had rung out loudly, the noise ricocheting throughout the empty neighborhood. It was early afternoon, time when all the grownups were at work and all the kids should have been at school. No one should have been around. But still, that piecing bang did bounce through even though it didn't belong in the serene block. This was a nice neighborhood, with nice people and happy kids. Who even owned a gun in such a neighborhood? Honestly…

His footfalls fell hard on the sidewalk, making more noise than needed on the pavement. He hardly saw where he was going through the tears that clouded his eyes and the worry and confusion that clung to his mind. But he needn't any of his senses to follow the path down the street and through the yard he had practically grown up in. It had been like his second home when he was smaller. The countless sleepovers and pretend study sessions. And now it would be the source of his nightmares.

He should have been in school. He had been, sitting and mindlessly listening to the teacher drone on and on about something he couldn't remember and forcing himself not to think about the empty seat beside him. His eyes kept falling on the vacant desk and he could feel it mocking him. Taunting him. It should not have been empty. It was there, sitting in the middle of class and glaring at the empty spot beside him that his phone had rung. He hadn't remembered he had it in his pocket. He hadn't remembered why the thing hadn't been turned off. And something had possessed him to pull it out of his pocket and answer. And two simple mumbled words sent his world crashing down around him.

"Goodbye Sora."

He immediately straightened in his seat. "Goodbye? Riku what are you…" The line had gone dead before he barely got a word out. Sora stared at his cell phone for a minute, confusion on his face. The squeaks of chairs around him didn't register as kids turned to gawk. The boy on the other end of the line had sounded surprised… but yes. Of course he should be surprised Sora had answered. It was school hours. But then again… why would he be calling anyways? He should have been at school as well, sitting beside him just like always.

"Sora!"

The brunet haired boy glanced up, the teacher's voice barely penetrating his thoughts. The boy on the other end of the line had sounded surprised, yes. But he also sounded…

"Having cell phones in the classroom is strictly forbidden, let alone answering them!"

"He wouldn't…" Sora's eyes didn't focus on the teacher as she stepped closer, anger and concern both present on her face. His gaze dropped back to his cell phone, as if willing it to ring again. Please, please, please…

"Sora! Can you hear me? Boy… are you having a stroke or something?" She was standing in front of him then, reaching out to him.

He jumped up and pushed past her and the other crowding students. His phone slipped from his grip as he flew out the door, down the hall and around the corner. No one stopped him because no one was there to. All the kids were in class and all the teachers as well. Everyone was where they belonged. Except…

"Riiiiiiku!" He flopped down beside his silver haired friend and stretched on out his bed. "Tomorrow's Friday. We got that big test. We should be studying." It was a weird thing to say, coming from Sora. He wasn't the most studious student. In fact, Kairi and Riku usually had to bribe him to study. Well… Kairi more recently.

"I don't feel like studying." Came the monotone answer.

Sora rolled his eyes. "You never feel like studying anymore. You never feel like doing anything anymore!" Sora's voice took on a whiney tone.

Riku sighed and rose from the bed. "Just drop it, Sora."

Sora rolled over, staring at his friend's back. "I don't feel like dropping it." He sneered. "Come on." He rolled over again and pushed himself into a sitting position. "We'll get my books and notes and study. For an hour, alright? Then we can blow off the rest of the night." He started reaching down to grab his book-bag from the floor.

"I said I don't feel like it." Riku's tone was stern, implying the matter to be dropped.

Sora either wasn't hearing the implication or he just wasn't letting up. His book-bag momentarily forgotten, he sat back down and looked to his friend. "Riku… you can't get any more bad marks."

"I don't care about marks."

Sora's mouth dropped open. He had to have heard him wrong. Riku had always been the best student… before… He had been the one to finish all his homework from his advanced classes and would then help Sora with his. "You've already been dropped down to my classes. Riku… if you don't stop this, you'll never graduate."

"I don't care about graduating."

"Riku!" Sora bounced off the bed and grabbed Riku's arm. "Stop it, okay? Just stop this shit and study with me. We'll get through it and we'll go to school tomorrow and take the test and then this weekend we can do something fun… like… something…"

Riku rolled his eyes and turned to glare at the shorter brunet. "Something sounds like so much fun." His voice was heavy with sarcasm.

Sora loosened his grip enough to playfully punch his arm. "Okay… forgive me for being out of ideas. We'll think of something. But now…" Sora grabbed Riku again and tugged him back towards his bed. "Study."

Riku seemed to hesitate for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something and instead chewed on his bottom lip. Sora tugged on him again but he stood his ground. "I'm not… going to school tomorrow, Sora."

Sora cocked his head to the side. "What? Why not? You're not sick… you went today."

Riku met Sora's eyes before dropping his gaze and turning. He didn't move far, as Sora still held his arm in a death grip. "Judgment day." He said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What?"

Riku was silent for a moment before shaking his head and prying Sora's fingers off. "Nothing. It doesn't matter."

"No… no, no, no." Sora reached for him again. "What did you say? What did you mean? What's going on with you?"

Riku didn't pull away, but he didn't look at Sora either as he shook his head. "Nothing."

"No. Fuck nothing. That's not a fucking answer."

"Sora… please… just drop it and go."

"Fuck that." Sora said angrily, pushing Riku away.

Riku stumbled back, righted himself, and turned a pleading look towards Sora. "Please." It came out whispered.

Sora was taken aback by Riku's sudden change in demeanor. It was just so… "Uh… no…" He stammered. "Not until… you give me an answer." His anger was gone. He was fighting the urge to throw his arms around him and apologize.

Riku was silent for a minute, considering. He let out a sign and rubbed at his forehead. "Sora… I'm tired." That was truthfully more than an understatement but at the moment, he looked and sounded it. "Can we just forget about all this tonight? Until tomorrow?"

Sora hesitated. "Tomorrow. You'll tell me what's up with you tomorrow…"

Riku nodded as he answered. "Yes."

"You promise?"

"I promise." Riku nodded again.

Sora stepped closer and wagged a finger in his friend's face. "You swear?"

Riku threw back his head and tangled his hands in his hair. He faked pulling his hair out before dropping his arms. "You're driving me crazy." Sora darted forward and threw his arms around Riku's neck. "Sora…" The brunet tightened his grip. Riku let out a sigh. "Fine. I swear… I promise… whatever. If you leave me alone now, I will talk to you tomorrow. I'll tell you whatever you want."

Sora didn't let go right away. He clung to his taller friend so long that Riku thought he had fallen asleep or something. "Sora…" When Sora finally released him and pulled away, his face was flushed and his eyes were puffy. He looked seconds away from crying but the glare he gave Riku kept the older boy's mouth shut. "Tomorrow." Sora prompted in a voice that said he wasn't kidding around anymore. "You better fucking tell me what's going on. I'm fucking tired of your shit." He grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. "You better be at school tomorrow too, Riku. Or I swear… I'll never care again. Ever."

"Sora…"

"Tomorrow."

Riku, more somber than before, nodded and stepped aside as Sora ran from the room. The moment he stepped out of the door, Sora felt guilty. He shouldn't have yelled at his best friend. And he shouldn't have given him an ultimatum, but he was tired of dealing with his friend's new attitude. Ever since they returned to the islands a year ago, they had begun picking up the pieces of their shattered lives that got left behind. Parents, school, friends… everything had gone on mostly as normal for the island without them. And when they got back, they had to deal with all that.

But Riku… he never seemed to get his groove back. He didn't seem to care about anything anymore. But that night in Riku's room, Sora had reached his limits. He was tired of dragging his friend around and trying to keep him afloat. It was getting too hard.

But still… he shouldn't have yelled.

I shouldn't have yelled, Sora thought as the house came into view. He promised… he promised to explain it to me… His legs flew through the front yard and up the porch stairs. But he was stopped by the front door. It was locked. "Damnit." He banged on the door. "Riku! Open the fucking door!"

Key! He had a key! He dug in his pockets furiously. Seconds ticked away as he wrenched his keys out. They dangled as he stared at them. So many damned keys. In his panic, he suddenly forgot which key was the right one. He ran through them in his head. His house, his mom's car, his mom's office, his old bike lock that was broken, his new bike lock, the storage shed behind his house… Kairi's house… one he couldn't even remember… too many damn keys, he thought, finally grabbing the one he wanted. The key slipped into the lock and clicked open. Sora released the door knob and his keys as he pushed through the frame. "Riku!" No answer came. "Riku?" Once inside the house, he faltered, hesitated… it felt… weird… the air hung heavy around his head. He could smell it. Like copper…

Sora jumped back, easily dodging Riku's thrust. He turned and extended his arm, meeting the upward spin. Wooden sword clashed against wooden sword. Hit for hit they bounced off each other. It was like a rhythmic dance as one boy moved around the other and the other back around.

Sora spun around, pivoting on his heels a second quicker than his opponent. He ducked a high slash, rolled around a lower move, and jumped back to his feet, missing a low blow. Without a second thought, he thrust his sword upward as hard as he could, letting the force spin him around. His sword connected with something hard, but it wasn't the normal thwack of wood against wood.

"Fuck Sora."

Sora spun around, eyes wide, and let out a gasp. The silver haired teen was sprawled on the ground, blood on his nose and lips. "Riku! I'm so sorry! It was an accident, I swear!"

Riku pushed himself up off the ground and brushed the dirt from his pants, seemingly unfazed. "It's fine."

"You're breeding!"

Riku touched his upper lip, feeling the warm liquid trickling over his lips. "It's fine." He repeated, the blood rushing over his tongue as he spoke. "Gross. Like copper." He spit the pooling blood out of his mouth and tried to wipe his mouth clear with the back of his hand.

Sora jumped forward and grabbed the probing arm. "Riku! Stop! Don't touch it. We have to get you to the hospital!"

"Doesn't hurt." Riku shrugged his shorter friend off, still trying to staunch the flow.

"It looks broken."

"It's not."

"Riku!" The color from Sora's face was slowly draining. He didn't deal well with blood. "You have to go to the hospital! You're nose is broken!" He couldn't mask the whine in his voice.

Riku rolled his eyes and waved him off. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt."

Sora's jaw dropped. "How? You're bleeding."

Riku shrugged and wiped at the new flow. "Just doesn't."

Sora looked seconds from passing out. "Something's really wrong. Come on." He reached forward and snatched Riku's hand. "You need to get to the hospital. Now. You're like in shock or something."

Riku pulled away from him again, getting tired of the back and forth. "It doesn't hurt." He snapped.

"Riku…"

Forgetting about his bloodied hands, Riku grabbed Sora's shoulders. "It doesn't hurt. How many times to I have to fucking say it? IT. DOESN'T. HURT. I can't feel anything! Nothing. I'm dead inside!" His grip tightened, his eyes glazing over for a moment. It was only a few seconds before he shook his head and released his hold.

Sora's mouth hung open, pure terror flickering in his eyes as he tried to comprehend what his friend had said. "What…"

Riku shook his head and covered his bloody nose with his hands. Something in his eyes snapped. "I mean… yes… uh… the pain…" his voice was muffled slightly as he stammered, "it's getting to my head… screwing me up." He turned towards his car. "You better drive me to the hospital."

"Wait… Riku…" Sora stumbled after him, confused. "What did you mean?"

"Forget it. Get in."

"You said, 'dead inside.'"

"Get in the fucking car and drive me to the damn hospital. It was your idea."

Sora shook the images from his head and pushed further into the house. The eerie silence halted him again. He was wasting so much precious time but his brain was moving in slow motion. He scanned the living room, seeing the normal disarray. Empty beer bottles, dirty magazines, and couch cushions lingered in places they didn't belong. Riku's father wasn't the cleaning type. And Riku's usual cleaning OCD apparently was gone.

Sora's eyes found his friend's discarded backpack. It appeared to have been kicked under the coffee table. "Riku?" He called, tearing his eyes away from the backpack and moving towards the stairs. It was just so wrong. Everything was so wrong. But why?

He paused as he reached the halfway point on the stairs. Why? What had gone wrong? What had happened to his friend to cause such drastic changes in his personality? He was pretty sure it wasn't school related. It couldn't have been girl related. And Sora was sure it wasn't family related. Riku never cared what his father said or did. What had changed?

As Sora stepped off the last stair and onto the second flood landing, it occurred to him. Kingdom Hearts. Ever since they had gotten home…

Sora stretched and leaned back against the paopou tree beside his older friend. It was late, really late. Some unknown hour past midnight. "It's great, isn't it?" The words came out half muffled as he yawned in mid-sentence. It felt nice to just relax there together, knowing he didn't have to run off and battle some heartless or save someone or anything.

Riku shrugged and dropped his gaze to the sand beneath their feet. "I don't know… it feels… weird."

Sora let out a laugh and punched him in the arm. "We've only been back two days. Give it a few more." He settled back against the tree and stifled another yawn. "It'll feel like old times again soon."

Riku was silent for a moment, mulling over how to respond. He just couldn't share Sora's enthusiasm and positive attitude for their future. "Sora… I don't think it'll ever be the same again…" He let out a sigh. "Not for me." He added in a whisper.

Sora yawned again and leaned against Riku's shoulder. "Stop being so dramatic Riku." Another yawn escaped him and he closed his eyes. It wasn't but a few minutes before a snore erupted from the smaller brunet.

Riku let out a sigh. "Sora." He nudged him gently. "Come on. Let's go." Sora let Riku push him to his feet and turn him towards the path. "Time for bed."

Sora leaned back against Riku, letting his friend support his weight as he stumbled along. "Fine." He yawned. "Back to my house. You can sleep with me."

"Sure, Sora."

"Tomorrow will be better."

"I'm sure it will."

But tomorrow hadn't been better. And the day after that. And the day after that. It dawned on Sora as he reached the end of the hall and stood outside Riku's door. Kingdom Hearts had changed his friend. It had ruined his friend. Something had happened while they were separated.

"Riku… please come back to me…"

Sora eased the door open and stopped breathing.

-X-X-X-

_Sora._

_I've named my judgment day. If I survive, then you will never read this and I really was being too dramatic over the past you. If I don't and you do, I guess I owe you an explanation of some sort. I promised you one. I'm sorry I can't give it to you in person. But know that this was inevitable. This is something I have to do. It was eating away at me, Sora. The darkness. You can't understand the pain. I pray you never have to. The things I have seen, the things I have done. The darkness, Sora. I don't think I can get rid of it. Ever. And I know I can't live with it. It's eating me. I can feel it. Every day it gets worse. And I fear the day when it gets so bad that I won't be able to tell the difference. I can't do it Sora. I can't do it. I'm not as strong as you. I wish it was different but it's not. I wish I hadn't become that person for so long. But I did. And it's slowly killing me. Please, don't be sad, Sora. Don't be sad for me. Because when my judgment day arrives, either way… I'll be free. Finally. Goodbye Sora. I love you. Always have. Always will._

-X-X-X-

This is mostly crap, written when I was feeling a bit blah a while back. But it's been in my head and now it's finally out. Hope you enjoyed it, as much as you possibly can a confusing story about suicide.


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